Resources: Putting Sexual Sin to Death

holding handsSome Scriptures on enjoying sex in marriage:

Proverbs 5:15-19

Song of Solomon

Covenant Eyes – accountability software for computers and phones

Mingling of Souls book and other formats, by Matt Chandler

Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships on RightNow Media, by Chip Ingram

The Purity Principle by Randy Alcorn

Every Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn (with other versions: Every Woman’s Battle and Every Young Man’s Battle)

Marriage Matters: Experiencing Trauma, Loss, and Grief

During our journey through life we will experience losses, and in some cases, a traumatic event; some predictable and expected, but others a total surprise.

Being alive means we constantly have to resolve problems. Every new situation we encounter provides us the opportunity to develop new ways of using our resources in order to gain control. When a problem or situation seems beyond our capacity to cope, we are thrown off balance. This is known as a traumatic experience often leading to a crisis. A traumatic event brings about an acute response. An individual’s psychological homeostasis (balance) is disrupted both horizontally (with others) and vertically (with God).

The losses and traumatic events of life can be overwhelming. The question then becomes; How do we cope with the powerful emotions, chaos and confusion that follows a loss or traumatic event? What do we do to ease the pain and grief we feel? How can we carry on and eventually return to a normal daily routine?

During the classes of February 11, 18, and 25 we will explore the world of Trauma, Loss and Grief. This will be an opportunity to, perhaps, share your story and find a sense of healing as you interact with others.

Come join the class at 9:00am in rooms A-1 and 2.

Please contact Pastor Chuck with questions or comments.

Marriage Matters: Building a Marriage That Lasts

Happy New Year!

On January 21 at 9:00am the Marriage and Family classes will begin again. On the 21st and 28th we will start off the year by looking at the topic: “Building a Marriage that Lasts.”

Over the last 30 years or so divorce has become the fashionable way to deal with marital conflict. Books such as “Creative Divorce” have described it as the start of a brand-new life that was in the best interest of the entire family.

Even in the moments of conflict and discouragement the answer for couples is to work on their marriage and if necessary get assistance in doing so.

Guard your relationship against erosion as though you were defending your very lives.

Guard your relationship against erosion as though you were defending your very lives. You can make it together; not only survive, but you can keep your love alive if you give it priority in your system of values.

On January 21 we will be looking at the “Marriage Killers.” On January 28th we will be looking at the “Fundamentals of a Christian Marriage.”

Join the class at 9:00am January 21 in Rooms A-1 & 2. We’d love to have you!

Please contact Pastor Chuck ( with questions or comments. Hope to see you there!

Marriage Matters – Dads and Their Daughters

I have been working with families since the mid-seventies. Over this period, I have met with many women whose stories break my heart. They tell of an absent father either by physical absence or emotional absence.

In a recent publication on current statistics it is noted that 92% of the children in our inner cities do not have a father involved in their lives. We blame all the violence in our inner cities on many things but fail to address this very sad statistic.

Let’s look at the basics of the Father Daughter relationship.

  • The father relationship with his daughter is crucial for her health.
  • Not only is a father the most important man in her life, but to every girl her dad is her first love.

The unique dynamic:

  • There is a love and protectiveness that a dad feels towards his daughter that is different from what he feels toward his son.
  • There is tenderness in the father-daughter relationship.
  • There is a respect that a girl is meant to have from her father from the very beginning of her life.

Her Hero:

  • A daughter perceives her dad to be her hero.
  • What does your daughter look for in you that causes you to be her hero?

Time: Special moments with just the two of you. How about a date night with your daughter?

Eye Contact: Face to face when connecting.

Availability: Even when your busy, take time to be available. (They grow up fast!)

A Listening Ear: Women need to be heard and listened to. This starts at a very early age. If a little girl feels connected to her dad this helps her in her emotional and physical developmental journey.

Men: Being a hero to your daughter is about having strong character, paying attention to her, communicating with her, and letting her know she is your “Princess.”

Marriage Matters – Parenting the Strong-Willed Child

In August I wrote the following: “Children need strong attachment bonds in order to develop into healthy adults.

I often hear from parents who are frustrated because they don’t know how to handle their strong-willed child. They are concerned that the “battle of wills” will come against the need for a strong attachment bond.

It is not the authority that is the problem, but how authority is communicated.

Strong-willed children do not despise or have problems with authority, but they reflect a need for control and love. Strong-willed children are well versed with the letter of the law and are usually a couple of steps ahead of their parents. But, positive communications leads to gaining the respect of the strong-willed child.

Message to parents: It is not the authority that is the problem, but how authority is communicated. If you pull the authority trip and say, “You will be doing this. End of discussion” then you are doomed.

The relationship is the most important thing.

Strategies: Choose your battles, don’t make everything a big deal. Decide what you are going to go to the wall for. Back off on everything else. You are not going to get everything. Decide what you can’t live without.

Make sure that your strong-willed child knows that your love is unconditional.

If you don’t demonstrate an unconditional love for them as a parent, then they can’t possibly believe that there is a God in heaven that has unconditional love for them as a child.

You have an incredible advantage. You serve a heavenly Father, Creator, and Designer. God, Himself, fills the place you might have missed. His mercy, grace and strength give you the will to go on.

It is not mistake that God gave you a strong-willed child!

Do you have a strong-willed child? How have you been handling things? Comment below.

Fostering Secure Attachments

I often wonder what the world will be like 10-20 years from now. I do know that if major Family Life changes are not addressed the future will be very difficult. Children need strong attachment bonds in order to develop into healthy adults.

This is a message to all the parents on how to develop healthy attachments in your family:
1. Spend “one-on-one time” with each of your children. Enter into their world. Get to know what makes them special.
2. Children react differently to emotional issues. Help your children get in touch with their emotions by putting words to what they are experiencing.
3. Provide your children with an environment that is predictable and consistent.
4. Create a stable family life by balancing work with family time. Establish rituals and traditions.
5. Establish a self-care system for your spouse and you. Parent’s emotional state influences your children’s development.

Looking ahead, Grace Point will resume the weekly marriage and family classes on September 10th at 9 am in rooms A1 -2. In the fall, we will concentrate on the topic “Life Change: addressing all the issues that keep up from having meaningful relationships with God and others.”

Please contact Pastor Chuck for specifics.

Starving for Relationships

I grew up in Union City New Jersey in the 40’s and 50’s. My family lived in what was known as a “cold Water Flat.” We walked a half mile to school each day (no school buses). We had lots of friends and knew the parents and siblings of each of our friends. We did not have air conditioning, color TV’s, or any of the fancy gadgets that are part of our culture today. After school, we could be found outside playing a variety of sports and would only come home for supper. What we did have is a loving family and a very stable environment. Words such a divorce, depression, boredom etc. were never part of our vocabulary.

Today our children are struggling with so many issues. 40% of today’s children live in a home without a father present. This effects their relationships with others and God. One in three girls are sexually abused by the time they are 18 by someone they are supposed to be able to love and trust. The divorce rate is over 50%; combined with separations, over 70% of marriages have failed. Families are on the move; so, friendships come and go. 56% of children under the age of 6 have both parents working outside the home (19% in the 50’s). Alcoholic homes affect 26 million children.

All of the above dictates how children (especially teens) will function in today’s world. They learn to escape through the internet, drugs, alcohol, sex, and basically avoiding meaningful relationships.

Every child needs and deserves at least one person in their life who is crazy about them and can confirm their personal value and worth.

Looking ahead, Grace Point will resume the weekly marriage and family classes on September 10th at 0900 in rooms A1 -2.

In the fall, we will concentrate on the topic; “Life Change”: addressing all the issues that keep us from having meaningful relationships with God and others.

Your Husband Needs to be Cherished Too

When I meet with a couple for marriage or pre-marriage counseling I talk about the husband’s role in cherishing their spouse or future spouse. I also share with the wife or future wife the importance of valuing her husband. In today’s society, the issue of a wife cherishing her husband is rarely addressed.

A man is a person with feelings and a heart that can be broken. He is a person who experiences life much deeper than what we can see on the outside. Husbands long for their wives to connect with them at a deep level. Not only do they ask for respect but they want their wives to encourage their spirit. A wife embracing her husband is not just a matter of tolerating his behavior, but truly valuing the makeup of his personality and the positive things he has to offer.

As I talk to men I have learned about a few issues that they want their wives to know.

  1. Stop nagging
    It doesn’t matter what words are coming out of her mouth, most of the time a husband hears, “You are not good enough.” Proverbs 27:15 says, “A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike.”
  2. Verbalize your appreciation
    Wise words build up. Learn ways to encourage your husband. James 3:3-5 reminds us of the power of the tongue.
  3. Connect with him emotionally
    Support him with your presence. Make him feel important. It’s not easy for a man to expose who he is underneath his tough exterior. He would be willing to do so if he can trust you to take care of his heart and not take advantage of it.

In September of 2016 Grace Point started a new ministry focusing on Marriage and Family issues. During the summer months, I will be putting together various seminars on the topics of marriage, relationships and family issues. These Sunday sessions will begin on September 10th at 9am.

If you have a specific topic you would like to see addressed, please contact me this summer. My email is:

Have a wonderful summer with your family and friends!

Marriage Matters: Self-Worth vs. God-Worth

People wrestle with knowing, feeling, and accepting who they are. This goes back to the “fall of man” in Genesis.

The world’s definition of self-worth is based on performance and what you think about it. This basic concept leads to four FALSE BELIEFS:

  1. I must meet certain standards in order to feel OK about myself. (Fear of Failure)
  2. I must have the approval of others in order to feel OK about myself. (Fear of Rejection)
  3. Those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve punishment. (Fear of Condemnation)
  4. I am what I am; I cannot change; I am hopeless. (Fear of Hopelessness)

God’s definition of self-worth is based on what God’s truth says, not performance or what others say. It is who we are in the context of our relationship with Christ.

“…the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

God’s solution to the fear of failure is the doctrine of justification. Because of Christ’s redemptive work on the cross, we are complete in Him and fully pleasing.

God’s solution to the fear of rejection is the doctrine of reconciliation. Because of Christ’s redemptive work on the cross, He has reconciled us back to the Father. He has bridged the gap and we are, therefore, approved by God.

God’s solution to the fear of condemnation is the doctrine of propitiation. At the cross, Jesus took all Satan’s accusations and decrees against us and nailed them to the cross. Because of Christ’s redemptive work on the cross, we are deeply loved and completely forgiven.

God’s solution to the fear of hopelessness is the doctrine of regeneration. Because of Christ’s redemptive work on the cross, we have been made brand new and complete in Him. With Christ, we are able to make the changes necessary to live a life of faith and joy.

This Easter season ask God to help you write a new life story, while allowing Him to be the Author and Perfecter of your faith.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

Marriage Matters: Welcome to Baseball Season

The last few days of 70-degree weather have been a blessing and also a reminder ]that not only is spring on the way but baseball season is upon us.

I have been following the game since 1950 when my Yankees beat the Phillies in the World Series. To me baseball is more than a game. It’s a life time of memories; my grandfather introduced me to the game he loved. He was a Brooklyn Dodger fan and taught me all about the game. He died in February 1955 before he saw his Dodgers win the 55-world series. Today, I have the opportunity to build memories with my grandchildren as we attend the Trenton Thunder games. It’s so much more than baseball. It’s about spending time with them and letting them know how special they are.

Too many children today do not have these special moments of building life time memories.

During the month of March Grace Point will be offering three classes on exploring the world of the developing adolescent. These classes will take place on March 12, 19, and 26 at 9AM in Rooms A1-2.

Some of the topics that we will explore are:

  • An Inside Look at the American Teenager
  • Adolescent Developmental Influences
  • The Impact of Trauma on Adolescent Development
  • Factors that Contribute to Good Psychological Health
  • Parenting Adolescents

These classes are recommended for the parents of children aged nine and above, teachers, counselors, and anyone else who lives with or works with the adolescent.

You can contact Chuck Arnold ( for additional information.